ruffledheart

Kal yun hi khangaalne ki soche mann ko Tasavvur najar hi na aya tumhara Chownk ke poocha maine dil se, vo bola ye sab gehraiyon ka fareb hai.. Par mujhe na hua gavaara.. Yakeen nahi hua, intezar to pakka tha mera, Fir kiun nahi aayi koi Awaaz socha jo door hai door hokar bhi kareeb hai.. Reham kar ab ae dil aur BandaNawaj...

Darr hai in gardishon me kalam ki siyaahi na sookh jae kahin.. Yahan se mud ke nayi naa la pae to afsos badh jaega..

Bhula ke us bigde-dhundle tasavvur ko chala hun ab us shaksiyat ki taraf, jise mujhse pehle mere haal ka ehsaas ho jae..

For you never came up to put any bandage to it..  And how could you? You are the one who brought it to raze.. My heart and soul had been put under several knives and you are the one for its bleeding. I wish I could revert back to you the same way. Thrash you with the worst of all. I wish to get you one platter of delicacies of immense pain. And bound you to have it. Where the pain rises with every bite that you eat. A platter that doubles up its delicacies the moment you are about to finish them. The harder it is to finish, the double it throws on you. And you get ni choice. I want you to scream in pain. Pain of hurt,  separation, longing, crave.. When I stand at a distance and you beckon,  and I don't seem bothered by your call. When you cry loud and I don't seem to hear any noise. Cry hard,  as hard as you wanted to hold me the other time. Scream the loudest,  as loud as you shrieked on me to admit my emotions to you the other time. Long now..  Lo...

😁 the last of replies was hilarious.. 4:45 in the morning with a cup of tea and just me, i went through shuffling at fb's eatlo community and saw a post by a lady of her dinner, which said,  Egg Noodles 🍜 Yeah... 🙄 Remember..? No..? Alliance Francais.. Cafeteria.. ☺️ Sometimes,  I feel it's all gone; long gone away.. The time, the scenario changed at a fast pace. And it would never be at that end. But,  what bewilders me is that memories are never vague. Their impressions never fade. The tinge of hues that they render,  remains the same..  The colors never seem to lighten, infact, the ink gets darken with the passage of time. How..? What an amazing expression the creator had come up with..  ☺️ One never forgets anything that had had ever happened to them.. Good,  bad,  ugly. The brains are supposed to function the particular way, as instructed by the creator. It is only that we get used ...

Baat us daur ki hai jab tum-hum sath hue.. Gulabi sehar huin aur hum bhi gule-gulzar hue.. Samay ki karvat se aisa hua sama.. Gulabo ke rang ude aur chaman bikhare uzaad hue

It got bruised long back when I first met you. I thought it would all be hunky dory. But..  To no one's big eyes expression.. You and I never shared anything relatable,  yet we found solace in each other's company sharing our joys,  sorrows,  fears of present that lead to our future; The studies that kept us busy, the degrees that kept us awake.. And for what not. More from the emotions that held us together,  the bond of friendship established itself so strong and we hadn't even had a glimpse of it. It was Intimidating at times to ask you to be on phone. There were pleadings from my end which led only to bickering and nothing else. Pleads to speak over the call and bickering to 'Only' meet - up and no talks. It had always been difficult but you know what was cumbersome.. to get you back on the right note. You never seemed bothered much about anything that troubled me extensively. Nothing could clutch your heart. None of the sentiments could ever turn you ...

Sigh! Of relief! How to express  gratitude to the Almighty for soothing me when I am low. Sending me here is what He does then.. 😊 Shukriya,  Sarkar! Hawaiyen  badal gayi hain.. Isliye Bheed me takra jana bhi inaayat  hogi.. ☺️

I knew it would reach.. And would be answered as well.. The eyes would gorge on.. And would render words.. So, after that.. Here I go then... Jaale lag gaye ab un jazbaton pe, Khushnuma jo Hua karte the kabhi, Majboor hoke reh gaye halaton pe, Dil-phek jo Hua karte the kabhi...

We are expecting our second child. This came as a surprise for both of us, (just as our first was 😄) I am in my first trimester. Every morning waking up to nausea I wasn't feeling much in my first pregnancy. But, as they say, every pregnancy is different. Thus, I am dealing with this. It's really hard to cope up with all of these pregnancy hormonal changes, with one toddler, who is super naughty and keeps me on my toes all the time. It's tiring to wake up that early for sending him to school. Bringing him back, run behind to make him eat, sleep, study (the standing and sleeping lines are enough to make him tired and raise my BP) But, as I am a woman and blissfully a mother, I am expected to do all of these with a smile on my face. Because we are multitaskers..or as presumed so. There are quarrelings from my end which are, by God's Grace, taken gently by hubby, so to console me of all day's fatigue that I carry in my bosom to spill on him when he enter...

These beeps are vital to sustain in quite a fragile arena. I wait for them to grope my soul at least for a while, away from the unruly. Try doing that often. You got numerous streets around to just walk and hide into. I write and expect getting a small gesture in return if not such good words. How would I be knowing these words reached you? Write buddy! Let us know your expertise. Write! So that we connect.

So, how do you feel getting older.. Its your birthday that reminds you of the years that have passed ; good, good and mostly good. I haven't ever had a glimpse of you being affected much by something not working out. I admired that with a wondering mind. Because I deal with emotions deeply, and your quotient with 'em had always been opposite to mine. No wonder, there had never been any set back for you.. since ever.. And I hope never in future too. When you touch the third decade of your birth, you should actually be full of wisdom. Wisdom about you! If Not really much about life! A wisdom that serves you with the idea of good,  bad and ugly. To cherish what had had been taken for granted all long. To admire what is in your platter, and to adore even what was taken back away from you.. Not all dishes are digestible, you see 😉 Happiness always! 😊

हर कण में हूँ तुम्हारे फिर भी दिल नही जान पा रहा किस हाल में तुम हो, उन्हीं कणों में फूँक के दो बोल अपने उड़ा दो ज़रा...

Bhool jana aasaan hota to bhi tassali thi, tum tum me nahi hum me base ho, fir kaho khud hi ko kaise bhoolen..

Qaid rakha hai seene me tumhari berukhi ko humne, dil ki adalat ne rihaai ki ijajat nahi di...

My heart was clinging with the desire of that one meeting; an unplanned, sudden encounter around that street which was rarely being travelled by anyone. Or the road that was being heavily hustled and so never noticed it's travellers. But, to my utmost pang, nothing happened. Stuck in the midst of an undesirable, known, but unaccepted fact, I surrendered to it all and now return to the land I hold on to..

I don't want to meet you; at the cafeteria of that french school or at a coffee shop near your institute, the ' pearl ' named restaurant is not on my head, black peppers are burning my heart.. The only desire that ignites my heart is to get struck to you; with an utmost surprise. At some corner of a street or at the shopping mart or while driving to an unknown place, our eyes exchange glances. You know why.... Because I hallucinate! Yes, I do. While dressing up, I felt someone peeped in from a closed door of my room. The eyes held fire. The vision though being vague, rendered the brooding look. As if someone was only waiting for me to come out quickly so he clutches me in his arms. While walking down the pavement, I realized somebody was eying me from a distance. My heart quivered. The beats were raised. The belly began to have collywobbles. Because the eyes sought your vision. The hunt is on. Both in heart and mind. Yes, I Hallucinate! My heart does! My mind ...

As I landed on your land I felt the breeze in a different direction. The land that had been mine and now is partially mine. I belong to some other plane but my roots are here; deep in your core and mine they entangle. But this is an entanglement of estrangement. They are together lost. The agony seems to rise and fade in moments of time. The bloom of emotions now transpires vagueness. The eye that was once lost in each other's has now immigrated to the priorities. Priorities set by fate and priorities that now hold substance. The heart is consoled by the thoughts of well-being. The pink of everything is what it adores. A breeze would flow to both of us, enfolding our prosperity and fortune to one another. May I be in your rectitude and you be in my virtue! 

"I wish you to know that you have been the last dream of my soul."

I found myself sitting on a cloud of infatuation for almost a decade; and when it bursted all the murk turned into a beautiful Sunshine! This gleaming Sun gave me a new vision, strengthened me with the belief in the Supreme Almighty! A power that changed me as a human for the best. A power that we all have, residing in our core. A power that is acknowledged by less and undermined by many! When people say aloud that they don't have any regrets in their life; I see them with a dumbstruck face. How could someone be not sorry for being stupid. How can we adjust with the fact that we were being betrayed upon. Is it that easy? Well, then they must be God's Own Angels, that they bear the fact of being torn and ripped apart and still don't regret having had any terms with the absolute jerky morons!

No matter what, your essence would always uphold from the nub; from my heart to my soul it would flow. It isn't just the tinge of love that we had in our core, but the bond of friendship tightens it more. It is you to whose ears had reached my things of matter. About life, love, home and what exists had never been spared by our long chats. What makes my bosom weap is not the seed that didn't reap, but, the friendship that had been lost.. Somewhere in the murk. The 'dear buddy' occupies predominant character than the one 'being-in-love-with'. I had longed for your eyes hunting through my soul, delving in my heart, conspiring with the smile that shook me deep into the crux. But, confabbing with a dearest buddy had taken over it, almost on all occasions. And made me realize camaraderie persists more value and induces substantial harmony! I left a part of me in you! And you left a void, that would remain barren within my destitute soul, till it ex...

The mouthpiece is holding my hand, Not missing a beap or call, and I am exasperated at you! Waiting, patiently eyeing at the flowing sand!

Okay, so it is not that hunky dory as shown in movies or in books or even in your thoughts that sometimes renders to you that mushy feel about Marriage and a 'second home' for which we all, I'm sure, knit a lot of.... webs?!? It demands a lot! Yes, it does! Look here, it is an absolute unenviable task to leave our place, parents, belongings and almost everything that becomes a part of us in all these years. Well, you can name it the way you want, that this is what every girl has to do... But, let me clear the air again, it is not that cushy. The second has nothing that I had lived with. None of my possessions are anywhere here. I might not like the chores thrust upon me. Despite all the dislike I conceive in my heart, I stand to fulfill the so-called desires! But, no matter how strong are my endeavours, it's seldom that I get elevated. The goodness sometimes cannot find the range in those remote areas of hard bosom. I am good because 'They'-my God...

Being one Jane Austen's fan, I am Romantic. Having read John Donne, took me even more close to what they say, Love! Danielle Steel's story of that beautiful girl deeply in love fortified the emotion of romance in me. Yes, I am Romantic! And I love it to the another level. The level of moment when seeing him walking to her struck her with collywobbles; on that windy eve at the Greenland; Or on the moon lit sea-shore. Donning a white silk shirt, getting swirled in that dewy-cold breeze. Approaching to her with a brooding look, looking deep into the eyes, as if to dig the splinters out, in tears of happiness. Holding her waist with his amorous hands, coming close to her glowing face his eyes are stuck. In a blink of his eye, her neck becomes the oozing berry which he kissed with all the compassion he carried in his heart all those years. His love for her could be felt in his amiable touch. She shivers, her heart skips a beat while his hands undulates at  her back. ...

Let's get out of the den and roar ! To get the sweet, we ought to taste sour!                     ******¥****** Bring it on tomorrow! 😉

Find some other ways to get my voice to your head. To share the words and laugh. These simplicities can be caught easily by the unruly! Let's move to some other lane; of the "line" that "Lands" on the handy mouthpiece... 😊

After looking at herself, becoming that enraged-over-everything kind of woman; that she had never been in her entire life, She decides to get off this sore feeling and take a breeze. She gets up early to face the beautiful dawn at her backyard, and a few rounds later takes up her phone when her messenger beeps a message, that ran a rosiness in every nerve of her body and soul. She hurries up for a shower, and in the shower, calculating by what time she would be free and how. Her hands move speedily in the kitchen to prep-up the breakfast. She gets pink, humming songs, reviving memories and her heart-beat counts run high, it's now audible to her. All this chalked up her wish to wind it all fast. To receive the call with all ease. And share words and pangs and smiles and inscriptions of heart and soul; with no hassles. But, to her agony, the phone never rang . She has this twinge feeling in her bosom and the soreness has been on its peak every passing hour of that day. She pi...

It is an unassailable man's claim to love. Milksops can't think of reciprocating the tenderness.

The moment she felt detached from him a bit, The one on her lap vehemently called out " Papa ..." And it struck to her mind about the love-knot that had bound them together. Forever.

His fruity voice was enticing like his way ; of luring her to whichever direction. She never had had any idea of his next move; from spring to Autumn, it went in a blink of eye. The heart that once conceived the fire of immense love became an unbreakable ice-rock. No matter how blazing and fiery the fire once had been, it could no longer melt the frostiness. The single way to break that brittle crystalline solid that encrusted her heart was the warmth of his baritone voice, that had always proved to be no less than the hammer breaking it all in just one stroke.

It melted thousand Suns down her throat just by hearing the phrase ,"i won't be able to make a call.." His voice was as soothing to her as water to the one yearning for it since quite long. The Doctor warned her of becoming frail due to lack of hydration. Her heart wept hard, she could no way explain to the Doctor that her ocean was too far to dampen her parched soul...